A Stay at Home MOM’s Identity Crisis…

Have you ever had one of those days when you think “ohh Lord, what did I get myself into?” Well, if you are a wife and mom, it is more than likely you have had more than just one of those days. This post is for you! 🙂

I have come across countless young mama’s that struggle with the biblical concept of staying at home and living out Titus 2. Not because they don’t want to do it but because of the pressure they feel from our society to “have a life” and “have an income”. To stay off we need to address the fact that our society sees children as a “problem”, they are one more item on your check list of things to “accomplish” (not much of an accomplishment to birth them and send them off to some daycare or school, anyone can do that!). You know, it goes something like this…1st I am going to go to school and get a “good job” in order to have a wonderful lavish lifestyle, 2nd I am going to get married to a wonderful provider (maybe an attorney or Dr.), 3rd I will be married for a while of course, God forbid I start having children right away, I man I need to focus on my career and traveling with my new husband, 4th I guess it is time for kids, I will have 1 or 2 , send them off to daycare and provide a good “private” school so that I don’t feel guilty I am not with my child for 10+ hours a day, I mean “good mothers” give their children good educations right? What good mother doesn’t? So you see beloved, it is just another item to be checked off. A family becomes an “experience” that lasts a few months between conception and the 2 months you spend at home before going back to a “real life”. Biblically speaking this is as backwards as it gets! God has made it very clear all throughout His Word that the reason He gives people children is for them to train them in the ways of the Lord, for godly offspring. As a mom of 4 beautiful blessings, I can’t tell you, you will not encounter days when you feel like you are in way over your head, because I would be lying to you. That doesn’t mean we don’t love them, or that we are not thankful…that just means we are human and have emotions. The problem is not feeling this way, the problem becomes what you do with those feelings. There are days when I am worn out by 3 o’clock. There are days when for a slight second the enemy puts thoughts in my mind of my “old ways” and my “real life” before…out in the world “actually making a difference”. But I have learned that those are lies from the enemy. The enemy wants nothing more than for you to feel like you are not making a difference, like you are just wasting your life. Sweet friend, if this is the way you feel, take courage because you are not alone and that is not the truth. We must take those thoughts captive and bring them to the Lord…say “Lord I know this is not the truth will you please replace these lies with the truth of your word…” walk away from those thoughts, lay them at His feet and let them deal with them. Do not entertain them even if for a min. If you are married, have children and are a stay at home mom, you are right in the center of God’s will for your life. There is nothing more important than raising the next generation to love and fear the Lord. You may be training the next John MacArthur or Charles Spurgeon and don’t even know it! 🙂 The point is mama’s that you can’t see the big picture in the midst of poopy diapers and a million bottles but when you take a minute to step back and see the beauty you are creating it will overwhelm you. God sees beauty in what you do. He praises your obedience and love for your family and for Him. God is cheering you on as you pray for patience to deal with the tantrums. He is saying “Daughter I blessed you with these little ones, I equipped you to nurture and train them but that is not all…I will NEVER leave you alone…I am here for you…I am watching you change those diapers and seeing you clean those dishes even if in tears because you think you can’t do it….in the moments you doubt…in the moments you want to give up and say I made a mistake by choosing you to mother these babies…I am carrying you, I am giving you faith to fight the good fight, I am here…in your nursery, in your kitchen watching it all…ready to hold you, ready to encourage you…just run to me my daughter…run to me!!!”

THAT is the big picture! The day you stand before Him ready to account for the lives entrusted to your care. What would you have to say? If you have been obedient, no matter how imperfectly you will receive a “well done my good and faithful servant.”

In our culture the value of a person is in what they do. What you do becomes who you are, hence when you ask someone who are you the first inclination they have is to tell you what they do…exp “I am a nurse…” etc. For us stay at home moms we must come to the place where we understand WHO we are in Christ. Our identity as a daughter of the King is what we need to focus on. I am not first a wife and mom, I am first the daughter of the King, he maker of Heaven and Earth. I am a princess. Yes beloved, you are a PRINCESS…with a beautiful feminine heart. A heart that longs to be praised, loved and cherished…to know that you matter to someone. Our identity should solely be founded in the fact that Christ died to save us and now we have become co-heirs in Christ. I know you may not feel much of a princess when you have people asking you when you are getting a “real job”. I know the road is hard but the rewards outweigh it. When we focus on who we are and what our true identity is, it will be much easier for us to understand that our place is at home loving our husband and our children and taking care of our home. Diligently seeking to live out our faith for our children to see. You have been called to a ministry. ALL of us women have. We minister to our husbands in the way we serve and love them and we minister to our children as they grow and see mommy loving the Lord everyday. We will impact the next generation by not only our obedience to the word but living out the gospel for our precious blessings to see. The world can say what they want, we have a sure foundation that we are doing what is right because the one who created the family has laid out a plan on how that family is to function.

Understand that you are a daughter of the King, a princess. Think about it, allow that to become your identity, Christ ALONE. Love it and live it mama’s. You are loved and cherished by God. The one who called you had equipped you. You have EVERYTHING it takes to train your little ones up, it’s all in the Scriptures! ❤ What you are doing is virtuous in the sight of the Lord…he called Proverbs 31 “the virtuous woman”, not the normal woman, not the average woman…but virtuous. Some people may want to downplay what you do but what matters is what God thinks of what you do. 🙂 You have an audience of ONE.

I love you all! You are doing an extraordinary job…I am so proud of those Proverbs 31 mamas who read my blog! ❤


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About Disciple of Christ, Wife, Mommy of 5 blessings & NM Top Earner.

As a wife, homeschooling stay at home mom of 5 beautiful blessings, taxi, chef, doctor, philosopher etc, my life is full of adventures everyday. Most of the adventures lead me to find another lost piece of my identity concealed deep within my heart. I have always felt that there was more to life than just “making it through”. After 5 little ones (4 under 4 & in diapers), I lost all the pieces I had found along the way. I was left with thinking my identity was being a wife and mom. “This can’t be all there is to me!”, I reasoned. Who am I? What’s in my heart? Why do I thrive around beauty and my heart leaps for joy when experiencing something as simple as a sunset. A feeling like I am free, inside. My heart can breathe again as if it had been holding its oxygen all along. Did God make me like this, I wondered? I felt guilty for longing to let my heart be free once again. After all the picture we have of a “perfect” woman is one that is ALWAYS busy! Always volunteering, always giving of herself with never once a thought of the state of her inner being. That is why we lose our hearts. Vulnerability is not welcomed anywhere. Femininity in its purest form is frowned upon. Why? Because women are supposed to be tough! The kind of tough that is just wrong. We are trained to hide our vulnerability, along with our femininity, very early in life. The wounds we have received as little girls leave us reacting as women like that wounded little girl would: we retreat, we regress. The message we received? You can’t trust anyone! Your femininity and vulnerability is a weakness. Most of us walk through life “playing” or pretending to be someone we’re truly not. As adults, we make choices based on how we were programmed when we were young. The real us hides somewhere inside, waiting to be rescued. Like a wounded animal hiding from its master, wanting to trust and soar again, but so afraid of the uncertainty that awaits. The risk is not worth it, we think to ourselves. To be quite honest most of you have not found a safe place to be yourselves. Embarking on a quest to find the real you takes courage. God created you in His image. Adam bears the image of a warrior God. A man is supposed to tell the world, on God’s behalf, He will come through for you. Eve bears the image of a captivating God and her heart is made to show His beauty. A woman is supposed to tell the world, everything is ok. She is that calm & quiet spirit. Safety; a place of refuge and healing beauty. This is what our hearts long for; Eden. The place for which we were created. The place in our hearts we know we belong. I am just a simple girl on a quest to finding my heart. Not the way I was “shaped” by the world but the way God created me. I pray that this journey will be encouraging and uplifting to others. I am going on an adventure and invite you to come with me! I am very transparent because that is what this world needs! With all my love, Laire

Posted on November 20, 2011, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. I know this post is from a while ago but I honestly just have to thank God for you. You were so concise and honest and those are two things I value being a mom to two under two. This really has helped me to check my emotions when they creep up at times. May God continue to bless and keep you and your family. 🙂

  2. What an AMAZING post! I love this! I blogged about something similar, I guess I was having similar feelings this passed week and had to write about it…. but definitely nothing like the way you’ve explained it here. Thanks so much for this!

    You can find my post here: http://www.createdwonderland.com/2013/05/stay-at-home-diaries-learning-to-love-it.html

  3. This was a very encouraging article, thank you for posting it! The two statements that meant so much to me are:

    “[Y]ou will not encounter days when you feel like you are in way over your head, because I would be lying to you. That doesn’t mean we don’t love them, or that we are not thankful…that just means we are human and have emotions. The problem is not feeling this way, the problem becomes what you do with those feelings.”

    and

    “Daughter I blessed you with these little ones, I equipped you to nurture and train them but that is not all…I will NEVER leave you alone…I am here for you…I am watching you change those diapers and seeing you clean those dishes even if in tears because you think you can’t do it….in the moments you doubt…in the moments you want to give up and say I made a mistake by choosing you to mother these babies…I am carrying you, I am giving you faith to fight the good fight, I am here…in your nursery, in your kitchen watching it all…ready to hold you, ready to encourage you…just run to me my daughter…run to me!!!”

  1. Pingback: Motherhood…Is this all there is to it? | "LIVE IT OUT" ... New Testament Christianity.

  2. Pingback: A Stay at Home mom's identity Crisis!

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