I wonder why you forgive me?

I am so sinful in my flesh.

I long to obey your commands.

But most often I fail the test.

My heart breaks when I know I’ve hurt you.

You are everything I’ve got.

I cling to you, I adore you.

You are my love, no,  you are my all.

Your grace humbles me,

when my pride soars sky high.

You are so faithful to your child.

And you always hear my cry.

Have I not let you doew a million times?

why do you not give up on me?

Is it true that you are mine?

Please tell me how to see your face,

it is all I ever want.

To see the one who created me

and not only did he save me,

he granted me a relationship

with the God of the universe

through His son Jesus Christ.

I see your grace clearly.

I admit I am a sinner

I need your blood to cleanse me,

the mess I have created,

makes my light shine dimmer.

My mess is bigger than I can fix.

My weakness bigger than my strength.

Your grace greater than my sin,

your forgiveness greater than my  shame.

Your love is so abundant,

no paper could ever contain,

how passionate you are

about sinners who repent.

I love you my wonderful Jesus.

Please hear my heart’s cry.

To serve the only savior,

the one that for me died.

I will follow you wherever,

I will struggle my way through.

I can’t promise not to hurt you,

but just please, see my heart,

my love for you is ever true.

Thank you for your forgiveness.

How I take your grace for granted.

Always remind me to be steadfast

and run towards what I most wanted.

Written: 11/29/2206

About Disciple of Christ, Wife, Mommy of 5 blessings & NM Top Earner.

As a wife, homeschooling stay at home mom of 5 beautiful blessings, taxi, chef, doctor, philosopher etc, my life is full of adventures everyday. Most of the adventures lead me to find another lost piece of my identity concealed deep within my heart. I have always felt that there was more to life than just “making it through”. After 5 little ones (4 under 4 & in diapers), I lost all the pieces I had found along the way. I was left with thinking my identity was being a wife and mom. “This can’t be all there is to me!”, I reasoned. Who am I? What’s in my heart? Why do I thrive around beauty and my heart leaps for joy when experiencing something as simple as a sunset. A feeling like I am free, inside. My heart can breathe again as if it had been holding its oxygen all along. Did God make me like this, I wondered? I felt guilty for longing to let my heart be free once again. After all the picture we have of a “perfect” woman is one that is ALWAYS busy! Always volunteering, always giving of herself with never once a thought of the state of her inner being. That is why we lose our hearts. Vulnerability is not welcomed anywhere. Femininity in its purest form is frowned upon. Why? Because women are supposed to be tough! The kind of tough that is just wrong. We are trained to hide our vulnerability, along with our femininity, very early in life. The wounds we have received as little girls leave us reacting as women like that wounded little girl would: we retreat, we regress. The message we received? You can’t trust anyone! Your femininity and vulnerability is a weakness. Most of us walk through life “playing” or pretending to be someone we’re truly not. As adults, we make choices based on how we were programmed when we were young. The real us hides somewhere inside, waiting to be rescued. Like a wounded animal hiding from its master, wanting to trust and soar again, but so afraid of the uncertainty that awaits. The risk is not worth it, we think to ourselves. To be quite honest most of you have not found a safe place to be yourselves. Embarking on a quest to find the real you takes courage. God created you in His image. Adam bears the image of a warrior God. A man is supposed to tell the world, on God’s behalf, He will come through for you. Eve bears the image of a captivating God and her heart is made to show His beauty. A woman is supposed to tell the world, everything is ok. She is that calm & quiet spirit. Safety; a place of refuge and healing beauty. This is what our hearts long for; Eden. The place for which we were created. The place in our hearts we know we belong. I am just a simple girl on a quest to finding my heart. Not the way I was “shaped” by the world but the way God created me. I pray that this journey will be encouraging and uplifting to others. I am going on an adventure and invite you to come with me! I am very transparent because that is what this world needs! With all my love, Laire

Posted on September 24, 2010, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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